The topic I want to touch on today is fidelity, and the question I wish to pose would be this: what constitutes cheating? I have a lot of thoughts whirling around in my head, forming half-fucked sentences and questions. As such, my fingers' attempts to keep up might result in incoherent sentences. Please do read me out though.
I've been listening a lot to Adele, so much so that she is pretty much my only source of music now.
A line in the song goes
The one thing I've always prided myself on in life would be the fact that I am NOT a cheater. I am a stickler for romance, and firmly believe that anyone you're with at the moment should be your Great Love. There should not, and cannot, be another person who causes your heart to flutter and your palms to moisten with sweat. I am, and always have been (or so I thought) a One Man Girl. I believe that if you get tempted by Another Person, your love isn't great. If you flirt with A Random, your love isn't real. Real and great loves should (I naively thought) consume you, your entire being, your entire heart. How can there possibly be room for another?
Life, however, seems to be teaching me otherwise. I've come to realise that likewise with everything else you do, loving a person and choosing to get involved with them is a conscious decision you make. Regardless of your reasons, be them good or bad, it is a choice you've made. In my case, it's very simple. I want someone I can come home to, and be happy with. I'm not practical, nor am I very logical. I'm romantic to the point where I believe that love really IS all you need to be happy, hunger and security be damned.
(I know it sounds like I'm going nowhere, but patience is a virtue and good things are worth waiting for. Stay with me.)
Is it then safe to say that, as long as I do not choose to love another person, I am not cheating on my partner? As long as I do not betray my ideals of a relationship, I am in the clear? Would casual flirting for the sake of boosting my own ego be okay? If I do not attach feelings to my actions - if a drunken kiss was viewed simply as a mistake brought about by a lack of control when drinking - does that then make it alright? Is my love still real, still true, still great and still intact?
Of course, a relationship is a partnership, and both parties should work hand-in-hand to make it work. It has to be an understanding between those involved that no hurt is intended.
Then again, what if you suay-suay* fall in love with a girl like me? My over-sensitivity, my paranoia AND my insecurities act together to make me feel like every little misstep taken on his part is an intentional act to hurt me. THEN HOW, right?
Okay you know what. I thought I had a point to this post, but it turns out that I don't really know if I do. If I'm to guess what I want to say, I would sum it up this way:
I've been listening a lot to Adele, so much so that she is pretty much my only source of music now.
A line in the song goes
"I know I have a fickle heart, and a bitterness, a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head."This line has been resonating in my head, probably due to the fact that I can personally relate to it. It then got me thinking, and then realising, that maybe I am not that great of a person after all *ahem*.
The one thing I've always prided myself on in life would be the fact that I am NOT a cheater. I am a stickler for romance, and firmly believe that anyone you're with at the moment should be your Great Love. There should not, and cannot, be another person who causes your heart to flutter and your palms to moisten with sweat. I am, and always have been (or so I thought) a One Man Girl. I believe that if you get tempted by Another Person, your love isn't great. If you flirt with A Random, your love isn't real. Real and great loves should (I naively thought) consume you, your entire being, your entire heart. How can there possibly be room for another?
Life, however, seems to be teaching me otherwise. I've come to realise that likewise with everything else you do, loving a person and choosing to get involved with them is a conscious decision you make. Regardless of your reasons, be them good or bad, it is a choice you've made. In my case, it's very simple. I want someone I can come home to, and be happy with. I'm not practical, nor am I very logical. I'm romantic to the point where I believe that love really IS all you need to be happy, hunger and security be damned.
(I know it sounds like I'm going nowhere, but patience is a virtue and good things are worth waiting for. Stay with me.)
Is it then safe to say that, as long as I do not choose to love another person, I am not cheating on my partner? As long as I do not betray my ideals of a relationship, I am in the clear? Would casual flirting for the sake of boosting my own ego be okay? If I do not attach feelings to my actions - if a drunken kiss was viewed simply as a mistake brought about by a lack of control when drinking - does that then make it alright? Is my love still real, still true, still great and still intact?
Of course, a relationship is a partnership, and both parties should work hand-in-hand to make it work. It has to be an understanding between those involved that no hurt is intended.
Then again, what if you suay-suay* fall in love with a girl like me? My over-sensitivity, my paranoia AND my insecurities act together to make me feel like every little misstep taken on his part is an intentional act to hurt me. THEN HOW, right?
Okay you know what. I thought I had a point to this post, but it turns out that I don't really know if I do. If I'm to guess what I want to say, I would sum it up this way:
- How would you define cheating?
- Do drunken mistakes that don't mean anything count?
- Does flirting (with no intent other than it being a pathetic attempt to validate your attractiveness) count?
- What if, and it's a really big IF here, you really do love your other half, BUT you still want to spend time with other boys because you have a connection/they're really good-looking and you enjoy having an eye-candy?
- If your partner expressly forbids you from doing something, and you comply even though deep down inside you really wish you didn't have to and would give anything to lie to/ignore him, does that then mean you don't really love him? Cause if you do, wouldn't you willingly give up whatever upsets/hurts him?
I guess this might not really have anything to do with fidelity after all. Thanks for sticking around though! Kudos to you, and cheers if you leave a comment on your thoughts. No judging/guessing what I'm going on about though. That isn't much fun.
*suay-suay, loosely translated into English, means unluckily. If you're not Singaporean, don't even bother trying to make sense of it. You won't be able to.
