How To Be Likable 101

So a friend of mine recently told me that I'm not a very likable person. Which is like, you know, whatever.. I don't care about popularity.. Much. If, however, you wish to be instantly liked by everyone you know, here's a list of things you most probably should NOT be doing, based on my personal experience. 


1) Do not have an opinion on EVERYTHING.
I'm not sure why, but apparently going around giving your opinion on everything and anything from the weather to the architecture of a building annoys people. Don't walk around Borders exclaiming to everyone that the Twilight movies are shiteous and so are the books so please read Harry Potter instead. Don't yell and scream as though your ears are bleeding every time a Bieber/Miley song comes on. Be a mindless sheep; failing which, be quiet. 


2) Do not go around correcting people.
Be it their pronunciation or spelling or grammar. This one puzzles me too. I mean, wouldn't you like to know that you're wrong? Apparently, in the words of another friend, doing this makes you seem "like a douche." Besides which, Herve Leger is Herve Leger regardless of how you say it.


3) Do not drop random trivia/science facts.
People generally do not find this interesting, especially when they're loading up on drinks in a club. They have not ever wondered and probably do not care why they are served tequila with salt and lemons. Or how vodka became so popular. They just want to drink.


4) Do not stop abruptly while walking to pet and talk to stray cats.


5) Do not be honest with anyone with regards to their looks.
They're fat? Lie, and tell them that they're bloating. Ugly? Abstract. 


6) Do not loudly exclaim that the general public is made up of idiots. 
People do not wish to acknowledge the fact that they're stupid. 


This should be enough to guarantee you a favorable first impression. If you, like me, can't be bothered, then pray and hope that your friends love you a shitload. 

I will blog, tomorrow.

I don't really have anything much to say today but I made a promise to write a little every single day in foolish hopes that I would accumulate a following of readers so this is me sticking to my guns and charging straight on ahead.


No, I can't do it. I am not going to churn out some half-hearted dim-witted post with weak attempts at humor. I will give my readers the best and only the best. As torturing as it is for me to sit here and think of something funny and entertaining to write, I can only imagine the grimace on your faces after reading a second rate article. And I DO NOT do second rate, no sir!


I shall leave you with a quote instead.

Live, drink, be merry, love the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow ye may die, but alas we never do

PS. Here's a video of N*sync covering the hit song That Thing You Do by the fictional band The Oneders. I'm assuming Justin Timberlake is somewhere in the video somewhere, but I wouldn't be able to pick him out or name any of the guys even if my life depended on it. I'm assuming the rest of you kids with normal growing up years would be able to.?

nuts for peanuts

When we ordered our Kindles, they came in this brown box with tons and tons of styrofoam peanuts in them. My first thought was that I could FINALLY try stuffing one up my nostril and blowing it out (like what Rachel did to Monica's marshmallows when she was told to arrange them in a "concentric circle".)


He IMMEDIATELY put a stop to my adventure, claiming that styrofoam peanuts were poisonous and that inhaling the fumes would somehow addle my brains. After attempting to sneak the peanuts up my nose a gazillion times - I swear that guy watches me closer than a hawk when he thinks I have something up my sleeves. I can't get ANYTHING past him - I resigned myself to the fact that I'll never know the feeling of shooting a peanut out from my nostril. However, I refused to throw the boxful of perfectly good styrofoam away, cause you'll never know when you need anything right?


My two friends came back from ikea one day with a toy ball-shaped kitty for me, and the box became a temporary home for the cat. But the cat was so bouncy and handy that we started throwing it at each other and using it to bash the other's head when we couldn't see eye to eye and now, the cat lays all lonely and forgotten in a corner of the room. The box of styrofoam has once yet been rendered useless.


The boxful of styrofoam peanuts is now a trash receptacle for our empty Yakult cans. I have yet to come up with a good reason why it should be kept around, but I can't bear to say goodbye.


PS. I just attempted bouncing a peanut off his tummy cause I have no idea where the cat is and I'm too lazy to look for a suitable substitute. Turns out, peanuts aren't very bouncy.